And our unfaltering belief in peace, and love, and understanding.
Seeing the angels wearing their disguise:
Ordinary people living ordinary lives
Filled with love, compassion, forgiveness, and sacrifice
Heaven’s in our hearts
I’ve seen spirits, I’ve met angels
Touched creations beautiful and wondrous
I’ve been places where I question all I think I know
And I believe, oh I believe, that this could be heaven
Heaven’s here on Earth
~Tracy Chapman
Things are heating up in full force and the mosquitoes are determined to give me Malaria Round II. Everyday I sweep the corpses that line the floor around my bed. I’ll take a picture one day; you’ll be shocked. Thank God for netting! The kids are off school so many of them are visiting family elsewhere, ploughing in the fields (as the rainy season of course brings forth the fruits of their labour lol), or being lazy at their own houses instead of mine. I miss some of them, walking germs that they are, though generally speaking a break is quite nice.
I took a fairly large food basket to the family of one of my kids. The other day I was walking with some of his friends and we passed him sitting next to a tree, sunken. I asked what the problem was; he rubbed his stomach and said ndo gwala (I’m sick), so I figured nothing more than diahrrea. But as we walked past his friends told me, “Uno nyepa… u na zhala. (He’s lying… he’s hungry). They told me the story: His mother is a Zimbabwean and is very sick, and his father is a Basarwa (a minority and fairly oppressed ethnic group in Botswana – if you’ve ever seen The Gods Must Be Crazy, then you know the Basarwa), thus he is the product of two unwelcomed groups. The father was arrested for stealing a cow (the punishment for which is worse than for raping a woman) and has left behind the jobless mother and their 3 small children. The boy who frequents my house is 14, though he looks 8 or 9 (I wonder why!). I was shocked to find out he is the oldest one of my regular attendees, as he is the smallest of those above 7. Anyway, I heard through the grapevine that they were having a rough time so I bought them enough food to not have to worry for a while, stuffed it in opaque bags, and set off to find the house (which by the way was quite a trek when carrying several kilos of food). Peace Corps discourages such acts, as would many in development, as the act isn’t sustainable and could set me up for a predicament when every needy family starts knocking on my door. However, my Kalanga is good enough where I was able to clearly state why I was helping the family and to request they not tell anyone that I had done so. And while installments of such generosity are certainly unsustainable, sustainability is no guide for morality. Some things we should just do, not because they make sense or even because they make a huge difference, but because we can and we should. Anyway, they were more than grateful and my relationship with the boy has grown as well; he comes over all the time. And it’s in moments like these that we make an unseen difference – he loses one strong male figure, but gains another. Things like this can make have a great effect in a young heart.
God love the children of this continent. They constantly keep me active, laughing, and humbled. I love having them over because what surprises them and what doesn’t surprise them always surprises me. I think we forget the simple luxuries we have, like knowing your birthday or what you look like in the mirror, or being able to find your country on a world map. Kids remind us that most of our problems are just constructions – products of our own making – and don’t really exist.
Wednesday was not a particularly easy day at the clinic. A lady brought her baby in a state that I don’t think I’ve ever seen in person. The child was clearly suffering from several ailments - severe dehydration being the most obvious - and resembled one of those emaciated, lifeless living things you see on those World Vision commercials. She was nearly white, eyes big but empty, and somehow was making loud crying noises despite her lips remaining tightly closed. Every bone and vein was visible in the body; she didn’t even look human (it’s moments like these that we lose our hope, our comfort, our tongues, and, occasionally, our minds). I am really unsure why the mother delayed in bringing the child to the clinic. She claimed that while it has always been small for some time, it just became severally ill the night before. It took all I had not to rip into her (it’s moments like these that we end up gaining our strength, our patience, our reserve, and our understanding – though the presence of the latter may not materialize until much later, as within the moment and shortly thereafter all we feel is conviction); conditions such as this do not present themselves overnight. We did all we could, but ultimately she passed away by the day’s end. I’m always intrigued by the post-death energy in environments where death isn’t exactly a rarity. I can’t say that people are sensitized, or that they’re used to it – to me, one can never become used to such a thing, but there certainly is an amazing ability to separate – to turn it off like a faucet, something you of course know I pride myself in practicing quite well. It a powerful quality; indeed, a necessity for survival in many places; however, I see it too often in circumstances where it’s so frustrating – i.e. when I am trying to advocate for a child who is actually HEALTHY but at risk – its like the emotions can be turned off before they’re ever even turned on, though behind the eyes you can see the compassion there. You know it’s not that people don’t care, but if you don’t look hard enough, you don’t know that they do either.
On the better side of things – there was a good moment today (I am determined to pull at least one from every day I breath!). I saw another side of the co-worker with whom I butt heads. While she is often so apathetic about everything, and she could use a refresher in confidentiality, work ethic, manners and life in general, I did manage to see another side of her today. She had told me previously that she had one child, a 14 year old son and she had mentioned him several times. I met the kid today and he seemed like a good enough chap. Anyway I was telling one of the other ladies that I met this lady’s son, and she said “You know that’s not really her son, right?” Well, I did not. Apparently it is actually the son of her dead sister, who she has been taking care of for close to 10 years. She has tried having kids of her own and has failed, and so only has her nephew to call her own… but she still calls him her own, and doesn’t think twice about it. Knowing this humbled me a bit and allowed me to understand where she was coming from a little bit better. That being said... :)
More good news? The Kalanga is growing. It’s such a bear of a task though. Bantu languages are not easy, especially when you do not have any books or a tutor! Our new counselor (who I so much admire) is teaching me how to do a full condom demonstration in Kalanga (don’t worry, we have a prop… ha!). She does a great job on her own, but my skin color, nationality, and gender (and the reality of me speaking Kalanga) will certainly be an attention-getter. And I will have much more respect and listener ship when we do our talks at the local bars, which are of course most frequented by stubborn old men who don’t want a young lady telling them what they should do with their most private and proud parts.
Currently my ‘formal’ tasks are such:
1 – Home visits with our positive mothers
2 – Outreach & education at bars, workshops, the border, the police station, and community events.
3 – Designing the schedule and curriculum for the daily health talks in the clinic that we have recently begun (and convincing each staff member that she is more than capable to deliver the information well… a massive task in itself. I think the fear of public speaking may be the only absolutely universal fear)
4 – Assisting Maitengwe Home Based Care with all their fund-raising and awareness needs. Eish.
Currently my ‘informal’ tasks are:
1 – Not dying
2 – Not comparing Botswana to the other places I’ve been
3 – Remembering to check my shoes every day for scorpions
4 – Counting how many times a day I hear donkeys squeal (it makes me laugh EVERY time)
5 – Counting mosquito corpses in the morning
6 – Youth development
7 – A book every two weeks (a major feat for me)
Speaking of donkeys: I was in Francistown the other day and some homely man came up to me and said (in perfect English) “I have a question…” Naturally, my first thought was ‘how much money does he want?’. To my complete surprise, and shame from my assumption, he said “What do you call a baby donkey in English?” I hadn’t a clue! There must be a name. Baby horse = colt. Baby cow = calf. Baby goat = kid. Baby chicken = chick. Baby pig = piglet
Not wanting to leave the man hanging, and always a sucker for a good pun when one arises, I responded, “I guess you call it a half ass”. He didn’t get it, but of course I laughed irrepressibly (as only I do at my jokes). In fact, I am still laughing at that one.
I'm now writing this from Francistown on Saturday. Turns out we had another child die yesterday. Like the first one, the mother was a PMTCT client of ours. We visited the latter child two weeks ago and everything seemed fine... we went back Monday of this week and the mother was away with the baby, but the father said the baby was doing ok, only to find out she passed away on Friday. Our poor new counselor is blaming herself, as she hasn't been here long and has already seen two presumably preventable deaths in our client base. I told her that while two in 3 days is a bit excessive, we have babies dying every other week or so and she can't blame herself. Anyway, she is so determined so she asked me to help her go through our whole system and look for any gaps. I must confess I have been waiting for such an invitiation, hoping to improve what we do without stepping on toes. So the next few weeks I am going to dig deep into our processes and figure out what we can do to make things better. It's such a complicated phenomena, HIV.
On brighter news, a few of us have started a Teen Club in Francistown. So we are currently recruiting HIV positive teens (13-19) for fun, games, and psychosocial support. We have 38 on roster! Exciting. So we meet once a month, with today being our December day. So we am waiting for them to arrive. I wish I would have the time to write this after our meeting but I'll have to buy some food and head back. But I'll take some photos when I can and post.
If you're interested in writing them letters, sending pictures, etc. that can be arranged - they're city kids so for most of them their English is so-so.
“The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.” -Rita Mae Brown
Things are moving along here, quickly. I am still having some minor complications from my surgery as well as a lovely sty on my eye that appeared yesterday morning. Ironically, all of my ailments are or have been on my left side... (Yes, the appendix is on the right side, but the infected scar is on the left). The weather has been alarmingly cool (which to me feels cold). We’ve been getting rain every day for about 8 or 10 days, and the sky is mostly cloudy when it’s not raining. The day temperatures are quite nice, sometimes requiring long sleeves and the nights have actually been requiring blankets. But the greenery has made Maitengwe look like a whole new place – it’s stunning!
We’ve replaced our PMTCT counselor and I am really enjoying my new counterpart. I didn’t realize how excluded I was from a lot of the work until the new girl came in. Our new counselor is 27. Her first child died of unknown causes within the first year, her second child was still-born, her third child was born deaf, and her fourth child was born healthy (so far) – but it was during this final pregnancy that she became HIV positive. Talk about a bad run, eh? So she is currently 87 pounds, and not incredibly short, but has incredible motivation and dedication. I am enjoying working with her.
Assuming the connection is good when I upload this, I’ll put up some random photos from the past few weeks. There are several of the colors the sky makes in the evenings.
I don’t have PhotoShop, not to mention I am not photographer, so pardon the flaws of the photos. There are also some of the kids cooking Nyeza (these small flying cockroach-type bugs) on a fire in my backyard. Yes, I ate some. What did it taste like? A bug covered in salt and oil.
Here's a video of the kids and their homemade foosball table... innovative little boogers aren't they?
Finally, with the help of two old ladies, I build a bench around my lovely tree out of cow dung, dirt, and water. It was quite an experience – we woke up at the crack of dawn and follow cows around the village, as you have to collect the dung when it’s fresh. And with the right proportions of dirt and water, it becomes very hard. I’ll post a photo. Hope you enjoy.
Other than that, not much is new - reading a TON of books and really learning and growing. I could go on forever about the details of our home visits but that may just be a downer lol. I hope you all enjoy Thanksgiving. I’ll be spending it with fellow volunteers; I’m baking cookies and cornbread! Scary, I know…
“When I give money to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no money, they call me a communist.” — Dom Helda Camara
"Tell me what you think about money, and I can tell you what you think about God." -Billy Graham
I’m back! So the infection isn’t anything to worry about, at least not at this point. However, they want to keep me in Gaborone for a few days for “observation” – completely against my will – but I guess the last experience ruined their trust in my body :)
As for America, I am so glad to not be there right now! Haha. Generally speaking, I miss my country (and leaving it is the best way to realize how much you love it), but my oh my elections bring out the worst in us. Why are Americans so hostile about politics? Why are both sides tearing down signs and yelling and resorting to slimy TV ads? C’mon guys, really. Our country so immature in this regard. Both sides consistently resort to emotion-based campaigning rather arguments based on logic, facts, or reason. Barack, with his pretty adjectives and poetic prose and McCain with his never-ending suggestions that if - you - vote - for - the - socialist - black - Muslim - we’re - going - to - be - the - next - Syria - because - the - A - Rabs - will - take - over. It’s ridiculous. And what’s even more ridiculous is how people fall for it, on both sides. How many people can lay out reasons, based on policy, why they support or do not support a candidate? Too few. Too many are voting for Obama because they hate Bush, and even more are voting for McCain because they are scared of Obama (which, let’s be honest – a lot of that stems from his color and his name. A recent NEWSWEEK poll showed that a large number Americans STILL think he is Muslim. C’mon people – he met his Muslim father ONCE in his life, and was mostly raised by his Christian [and white, if that matters to you] grandparents.)
But, wow, the Republicans are really fumbling aren’t they? They’re like a cube of ice on a hot stove – sliding in the wake of their own mess. Unfortunately, in my opinion, their whole school of thought has our country in a very uncomfortable place. Corporations are becoming more powerful than the Government (many of them are so rich they could BUY countries if they wanted to… is that where we want our future? Wal-Mart buying Bangladesh?), poverty in the US is at it’s highest in decades while our global reputation is at its lowest – even among European states, who have historically been our closest allies. Even internally, our divisions are becoming hostile. And, to me, the current administration’s largest shame is how dichotomized they’ve made us – how at one point you couldn’t criticize the war and still call yourself patriotic, how you can’t support talks with Iran without being a terrorist-appealer, how you can’t try to mediate the fact that the rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer without being a socialist, how if you say you are embarrassed at some of our country’s behavior that somehow means you are un-American or un-patriotic, and how you can’t possibly believe in God and vote Democratic. It’s a shame really. Manufacturers are losing jobs to China, India, etc. so that the big dogs can make a bigger profit – and that’s all very ironic, since these small-town people tend to vote Republican, when that party overwhelming encourages and makes it easier for outsourcing to occur. Same with small-town farmers – they tend to vote Republican when that party – particularly this administration – has favored ‘factory’ farms over Farmer Joe.
And I know a lot of people are weary about having such a ‘radical’ candidate running for office, but it’s merely a response to 8 years of radicalism from the right. When you have 8 years of total disregard for separation of powers, checks and balances, and even international law, you’re bound to have an opposition candidate with a more multilateral view of the world.
“If this were a dictatorship, it would be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator” -George W. Bush, December 2000
But, I guess our country suffers from the same tension that most places do, and the same tension that we endure as individuals – the painful tension of trying to move forward while at the same time holding on to what we were.
“I look at my environment and wonder where the fire went – what happened to everything we used to be?” -Lauryn Hil
Anyway, a lot has been going on at the clinic. My good friend, and the person with whom I work the most closely, is being forced to step down. She is our PMTCT counselor, is HIV-positive, and she has become pregnant (upon accepting her job, she was required to sign a document saying that she will not become pregnant). Since she is HIV-positive and part of her job is to discourage positive women from becoming pregnant, in the Government’s eyes her pregnancy is hypocritical and therefore unacceptable. I have mixed feelings on the issue. In my opinion, the sole purpose of PMTCT is so that women can live a normal life – i.e. become pregnant and still have HIV-negative babies. Additionally, telling HIV-positive women that they should not have babies essentially means the Government is discouraging more than 50% of Botswana’s women from becoming pregnant. And in many developing countries, economic growth is strongly correlated to (or at least heavily influenced by) population growth. Consequently, the issue is quite complex and I see both sides’ arguments. But of course, on a personal level, I am quite disappointed.
The rains have come! Well, just once, but it’s a start. And when it rains here, it isn’t a drizzle – it’s like gray sheets of water slamming down from the sky… so enjoyable, unless you’re in transit. The negative side of the rain, of course, is that now is when all the creatures come out to play. So mosquitoes and bugs in general have been worse, and snakes and scorpions are rearing their ugly heads. A snake has been slithering its way around the clinic compound at night, which is worrying many people as the tracks are quite large. Our doctor killed one at his house last week, and the theory goes that once you kill one the others start to come. Many of the snakes in this area are quite harmless, but Botswana is home to some of the world’s deadliest, including adders. So it may be a long rainy season.
My ‘son’ is doing ok – he and his younger brother are still consistently underweight when they come in for their monthly weigh-ins, but not much seems to be happening as a result. His father is doing very well and has been exceptionally pleasant lately. I’m trying to build a positive relationship with him so that when my Kalanga is good enough, I can politely request he bring the kids in for testing without him wanting to kill me. Wish me luck on that! Having your kids tested seems like Parenting 101 to us, but a lot of men – self included – tend to avoid medical settings at all cost, and of course culture plays a large role here.
I am in Francistown waiting for the train to Gaborone so that I can go back to the hospital and see the surgeon... again. One of my scars is infected, below the surface, and the tissue underneath is still bone-hard, and is it secreting some puss. The nurses at the clinic did some painful prodding and think the infection is quite deep; if they are right, I'll be having another procedure (though this one should be even more minor than the last) to remove the infection. Fun. Let's hope this time it does not result in several more weeks of hospitalization!
A lot has been happening these past few weeks, and so at some point during my captivity in Gaborone I will type an update and post it here when I pass through Francistown to go back home... whenever that may be.
It has been a very interesting month, one which I am very happy to have ended. It began with me heading to Kanye for a workshop, with a stop in Francistown to see my friend prior to catching the night train. She and I were walking her new puppy when, out of the blue, a massive black dog came running towards us and began devouring her puppy. My first and not my brightest reaction was to pick up the puppy because in the US - generally speaking - if you remove puppy then the dog is likely to bugger off. Unfortunately the dog decided to go after us. Well done Brent. But the three of us (myself, friend, and dog) all made it out alive; unfortunately my friend's leg was mauled. We were rushed to the Ftown hospital and treated, and consequently I was unable to make the train that night - a small price to pay considering that 3 weeks later my friend still can't walk without assistance. But she will be ok, as is the puppy. I guess the result was a lot better than it could have been, but the sound of large dogs barking will likely not be the same, for either of us, for some time.
A few days later I managed to catch a ride to Kanye for a fashionably-late arrival to our workshop. Within days I began to develop some pains in my lower right abdomen, which at first I thought was a pulled muscle after an intense workout. However the pains continued along with some other symptoms and towards the end of the workshop I was sent to Gaborone for a sonogram, CAT scan, blood work, etc. Apparently my appendix was near bursting so within two hours I was checking out of my hotel and checking in to the hospital for a laproscopic appendectomy. The surgery itself went ok and I was out in a few days. I was driven to a friend's house in Molepolole for further recovery; however, a few hours after arrival I developed a high fever, severe vomiting and diarrhea, inability to walk, and loss of circulation in my hands and feet. I had memories circa 2006 of my malarial experience in eastern Ghana. So, within just a short time the driver turned around and collected me and we met an ambulance half way, who rushed me back to the same hospital - and same ward - in Gaborone. It turns out I had a minor infection and something called pseudo-membrane nescolitis, a condition the Dr. claims he hasn't seen in over 15 years. I am so lucky. So that took 5 days and 6 nights in the hospital to recover from, during which I developed some surface-level internal bleeding (which supposedly isn't too worrisome, though two weeks after the surgery I am still having some bruising and small pain - and not near the incisions). Then they had me stay in a lodge in Gaborone for an additional 5 days for observation. Now I am determined to make it home today! One more day in Gaborone will have me both depressed and bankrupt. (The cost of one meal in Gabs is roughly equivalent to my daily wage... so you can imagine what buying 2-3 meals a day has done to my living allowance. I'll get a small per-diem to help compensate the loss but it certainly wont suffice). So I'll be living very very simply this quarter, something I can certainly afford to do with a little bit of effort.
Despite the range of medical issues that have arisen, I have been impressed with the care here. The hospital I was in was NOTHING like those in Ghana - so there was actually running water and there were no goats going through my bags while I was sleeping. They even served meals! The PC staff has also been great. But I think we are all ready to send me back to Maitengwe, haha. So tonight I will catch the train from Gaborone to Francistown (I have a first class sleeper... which isn't as classy as it sounds but it does provide me with a bed on which to sleep) and I will arrive in Ftown tomorrow morning. After a boring 2+ hour bus ride tomorrow I should be safely and happily at home, where I am told I have quite a large number of mail waiting for me... so a big THANKS to everyone who has sent something in the past month. I am not sure when I'll next come to Francistown. While my house is low on food, my energy is likely to be lower so it will be at least a week before I will feel strong enough to head to Francistown as it makes for an exhausting day of travel.
So that's been my September. Who's had a worse month: me or America? I vote the latter. The hospital and the hotels have done a good job of keeping me up to date with the news. Geeze, I could say a ton about the political and economic situation of our country at the moment, but those of you who agree with me will find it redundant and those of you who don't are unlikely to alter your opinions anyway so I guess my ramblings would be completely futile, eh? :)
Unfortunately they wont upload here but they are (very slowly) uploading on Facebook. So if you are not a facebook member, convince someone who is to show you my videos. There is one that is DEFINITELY worth watching!
I am blessed to have been offered the opportunity to work in Botswana with the Peace Corps. This blog is my attempt to update you all as to what I will be doing over the next 27 months. Please feel free to post comments and of course email me from time to time.
"Home Based & Orphan Care / Prevention from Mother to Child Transmission (PMTCT)"
I will be assisting in the implementation of Botswana's PMTCT program primarily by educating HIV-positive pregnant women on methods used and resources available to prevent transmission of the virus to their unborn and born children. Additionally, I will be providing care, support, and education for the increasing orphan community in Botswana, which arguably has the highest prevalence rate of HIV/AIDS in the entire world.
